I am not saying goodbye to you.

This afternoon, I watched A cry. Every tear drop moved in synchronization with my heart. Yet I felt a tinge of disappointment – I thought she was strong. Oh well, I guess enduring 2 weeks of continuous constructive criticism can mean an overwhelming load of pent-up emotional stress. While R may be impressively professional, he’s also got a real knack for being a little too curt and sharp for anyone’s liking. Aye, too much literature can be very discouraging.

I knew what those swollen, puffy red eyes meant. She didn’t just want anyone to believe in her. It wasn’t just about anyone’s respect. She wanted his respect. She wanted him.

I wanted your respect. I wanted you to believe in me. I wanted you.

I could’ve made crazier, more unforgivable decisions/choices, be someone even more terrifying than who I am now. Be notorious. Be haughty. Be pompus. Be promiscuous. Be holy. Be unholy. Be unscrupulous.  For the past few months, or decade, I’ve been running low on steam. Now I’m completely out. Another day to die inside, again. This could be temporary because it shouldn’t be permanent damage. Or is it? Whatever the case may be,  I’ve convinced myself that I don’t wanna see the sun anymore. Hard life. 

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7 comments
  1. fion said:

    dont cry pretty baby.

  2. Gore said:

    Never surrender. . .

  3. vanny said:

    when going gets tough, the tough gets going. hang in there sammy. im always here if you need to talk ok. always here.

  4. M.y said:

    If you need more cheer up mms in the day, let me know (L)

  5. Shyamala said:

    Hey is this samantha teng? I stumbled upon this so im just wondering.

  6. Shyamala said:

    Yup it is u sam found a pic to confirm its u i think. So hope u are good and happy. So long since i’ve seen u. Hope u remember me. If u wanna say anything drop me an email at shyamala_naguleswaran@hotmail.com or leave a comment back on ur blog. Take care girl.

  7. Shyamala said:

    I actually read ur blog and the funny thing is u’re still late no matter how many times i told u to be punctual u never cud be but u were one sporting girl who always made me laugh and u were the one who got the most scolding frm me won’t apologise for that.U were always strong and took everything that came ur way… I once knew u inside out but now i don’t… so im just gg to say… take watever it is with all the strength that u have and u will definitely overcome it. I wish u success in everything that u do and if u ever need help just email me ok… if u want to lah. Im still the same harsh girl u once knew but has learnt the art of patience lah ah. U have done so well for urself im proud of u. And i hope u will be happy always.

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