I want to be a better person

I want to be the change I’ve seen in the people around me.

One of my lecturers told me I lacked self-discipline. In the face. He wore a stern look and firmly asked me why I had been late for JAE (joint admissions exercise). I looked into his eyes and I saw disappointment. My heart trembled, tears were welling up and I thought, Why does he always look at me that way? Why is he so mean? Whatever, it’s okay to be late. It’s not that big of a deal anyway.

As he continued to speak, something sparked within me and I thought I caught fire. No I wasn’t embarrassed because there was so many people around me – everyone was too busy being involved in the competition for the top course in TES – it was realisation setting me on fire! 

I’m still always late for everything! If I’ve been trying to be punctual as and when I wanted, then I haven’t actually suceeded in becoming a punctual person! I recall having promised myself, after a very unfortunate incident, that I wouldn’t be late for anything. Yes I have been punctual every now and then… but they don’t count. Everything in life has to be consistent otherwise it would have little significant impact or result.

Like swimming. If I swam occassionally, I wouldn’t swim as fast as I usually could if I’d trained on a consistent basis e.g. 4 times a week.

So…

  • I don’t want G to call me Miss Late anymore.
  • I don’t want to be caught wearing slippers in class during Labs and then ‘Cut Class n’ Cry in the toilet’.
  • I don’t want to be late for jamming and feel so guilty because I delayed everyone by an hour.
  • I don’t want to be told off by some guy that I’ve got attitude problems and that late people like me wouldn’t be able to find a job in the future. (Dear H.K, I’m not referring to you. I’m glad you were honest with me 🙂 )
  • I don’t want to send anyone wrong signals.
  • I don’t want to run away from my problems because it just makes me feel even more depressed.

I want to be like

  • my punctual classmates,
  • my dilligent father,
  • my tolerant mother,
  • my kind brother,
  • my understanding-happy-go-lucky-spirited lifesaving team mates,  
  • my monk who is always there,
  • the confident spunky frontwoman Hayley Williams,
  • the intelligent Natalie Portman and lastly,

I want to keep learning, keep believing in God, never lose hope so I will have that power to change

Wah Lights inspired me to post this man. SINGGGGG THE LAST THING ON YOUR MINDDDDD

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3 comments
  1. monk said:

    Halo ditz your entry makes me happy and sad at the same time. I’m not being sarcastic (the way you ALWAYS think I am) neither am I ripping off the What-to-say-to-a-sick-person webby, but I really believe you can change if you try your best. Remember you’re the smartaye and I’m the bimbs (So NOT, but I’m giving it to you this time) and I have faith in you. You must show people you’re not Little Miss Late, just Little Miss Ditzy 🙂

    ilu! Even though you laughed very hard and created a dance, when you know you suck at dancing, after knowing that I have exams _|_

    “If I had a middle finger I’d point it”
    “Sam you do have a middle finger.”

  2. M.y said:

    HAHA I remember a conversation very long ago between an anal stressed organiser and a breezy, relaxed friend.

    Stressed person: “Eh walk faster leh! People waiting for us leh.”

    Breezy friend, *surprised* “Oh, only twenty minutes ah, you all quite on about puncutality ah.”

    HAHA I dunno if you can rmb when this exchange took place but definitely when things were alot more different… uh huh. LOL

    SAM’S SAM NO MATTER WHAT TIME SHE ARRIVES BUT SAM CHANGES IF SHE SEES WHAT’S WRONG AND WHEN SHE PUTS HER MIND TO IT

    Just let me know if you need a wake up call in the morningsss
    😀

  3. Gawaine said:

    A bad habit’s like a comfortable bed. . . Easy to get into. . . But hard to get out of. . .

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