“Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.”
– Robert Frost
It’s getting harder, and not so fun.
Somehow everything I deem precious – like Gold, like Happiness – never shines long enough, never lasts. Although love is the only constant, all else must change.
I wouldn’t say I understand how the world works. I’m always struggling with myself. To have a certain perception is one thing – dealing with it is quite the other. For instance, I think of myself as a chameleon sometimes. A social chameleon. I could crash a party filled with strangers and totally enjoy myself. This flexibility allows me to adapt to the way a certain group of people behave just to fit myself in without feeling awkward. This is what I can do.
However, my “ability” is only for a one-man show. It only works perfectly when I’m alone; something I’ve gotten very used to doing while growing up. I’ve embraced change a long time ago when life kept going the wrong way. Like a sadomasochist, I love pain; I love change.
So let me come to terms with this:
Once something takes a wrong turn, there’s no going back. It isn’t wise to hope for things to get better. Anticipate (whenever possible) or otherwise understand and accept that it will happen, sooner or later, and I know I should just let it be. Let God take control of the wheel.
Everybody’s trying to stay gold.