It was so familiar. The way you rattle continuously without pausing to breathe whenever you have a lot to say. A lot to share. I couldn’t remember the last time we had a conversation like that…
Then I realised – while you went on about how things have been – that I wasn’t escaping from everyone. I was escaping myself… I was running and becoming so lost, I’ve forgotten the reason why I even decided to run in the first place. I didn’t like who I was – the reason why I’m afraid to be myself… I hate being second best. I HATE feeling lousy. I’ve “modified” myself so much, in a desperate bid to “improve” on my personality, I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m a contradicting D and I.
There was something I wanted to say but I couldn’t mouth the words. I held it back. The speechlessness that was breaking into months and months of suppressed pain. No wonder they say it’s unhealthy to bottle your feelings… I was eager to bid you farewell. Because I knew what we were both going to do.
You don’t know how good it felt, finally, to be in the warmth of your embrace after so long…
* * *
There’s a particular line I remember from one of the scripts I memorized back in secondary school. Director Wang (amazing man) and The Drama Kids. We were filming “A Day In The Life of… (shucks I can’t remember what the title is)” in the sick bay. Hospital scene. I was the dying teacher. And these were my final words to my dearest kuku students.
“You have to be considerate of each other’s feelings...” *Dies dramatically* Apparently Wang had to film it different angles therefore I had to repeat that last line a dozen times. It’s been stuck in my head since.
"It's pointless to break a friendship just because of one another's misfits"