i’m annoyed. i think those who know me well and …

i’m annoyed.

i think those who know me well and often listen to my frequent ramblings should know how much i enjoy sharing about my lovelife. my crushes, my infactuations, blahblah. i have SO MANY issues with love. love, love, love. oh my dearest abang, RIZAR, knows all about my crushes. but i hate it when he can’t remember the names. okay maybe there’s too many names for him to remember.

i never had a real relationship. well maybe only one. that was back in secondary one and looking back, i find myself extremely dumb. perhaps i, being a perfectionist, expected too much from my partner and never reflected on myself. now wait i did. one of the reasons why i ended the relationship was that he was too good for me and i wasn’t good enough for him. he was the bestest boyfriend a girl could ever have.

i can still remember he told me that he even looked forward to marrying me in the future. i can still recall how he waited for my CCAs or events in school to finish until he even fell asleep. and we kept bumping into each other outside like we were so fated for each other, as if we were a match made in heaven, when he was actually really deliberately trying to bump into me. đŸ™‚ he always listened to my troubles and shared my burden with me. he even gave really good mature advice and he never looked down on me. and during our online conversations, we ALWAYS had something to chat about. i swear he’s really bad with boring converations. probably his excellent command of english benefited him well in a way which he knew what to talk about. he was my best friend and lover. the best thing that ever happened to me. and when i broke up with him after exactly 2 months, he sent me many letters. okay e-mails. emails which expressed a lot. i still have the emails saved in my computer. once in a while, i would open the files up and read them and critisize myself incessantly for being so… stupid.

you will never ever find a guy like him. never.

the mindset of most guys whose ages range from 13-17 would be like,” now we are young. so we must play play a bit and try try. if not when we’re old then cannot already must be serious.”
well it is very heartbreaking for girls till it even goes to the extent of self-destruction when guys were to “play play” and “try try” a relationship. immature brats.
there is no such thing as short-term relationships because when you enter a relationship, you are making a bond, a committment to your partner, it WILL be long-term, and that is my defination of BGR.

my english teacher’s miss vicki. we have been on bad hypocritical terms with each other since the first day we met. so when she made her high-class jokes with her A-grade english during lessons, they were just SOOOOO funny, i could not laugh. ha-ha. however she asked the most shocking question i could ever expect from a teacher like her.
“Okay everyone. I would like to remember all of you by the biggest mistake you’ve made in your life. So i would want all of you to stand up one by one and share with the class the biggest mistake you’ve made. We’ll start with this row over here, the young man sitting at the back.”

Suddenly i couldn’t think of the biggest mistake i’ve made. Yes i do make big mistakes, but which one was the biggest? So when it was my turn, all i said was, “i don’t know. I don’t know what the biggest mistake in my life is.”

But i know now. If i were to turn back time and if had enough guts to say it, i’d confess that the biggest mistake i’ve made in my life was simply…ending a relationship with the greatest guy ever.
and also not being Godly enough.

why am i annoyed?
because i’m infactuated with a guy i’ve met at my bus-stop for 3 years and he’s really just a waste of my smses. another one of those playboys i’ve been infacted with before. YUCKS. i’m disgusted with myself.

i’ll be turning now. i’m running a temperature and i’m having this really bad cold which caused my dry cough because the mucus flowed the reverse direction. heh.
there’s so much homework to be completed too. damned.

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